An Asshole's Guide to Beginning iOS Development

So you’ve decided that yes, indeed, you do want to jump into the hype surrounding mobile app development, because damn it, you want to make sure you get a piece of this new gold rush that’s going on. You like money after all. You read tech blogs a lot and you’ve learned that the right thing to do is to “disrupt” things. You have a couple of ideas for apps that, damn it, should revolutionize the platform and disrupt shit and make you an assload of ca$h.

So my best piece of advice for those who want to write an iOS app: fucking don’t.

Seriously. Keep your job in marketing or keep writing websites for a living.

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47 Million Year Old Fossil Is First Overall Pick

With it's unprecedented run of eight years at the top of the Creation Of Life league, the Intelligent Design Ribs suffered a serious blow to their championship aspirations with the selection of a 47 million year old fossil named Ida by their rivals the Evolution Primates. With the top pick in the draft this year, the Primates nabbed Ida as the centerpiece of their already impressive offense that includes Bahinia and Dawn Monkey. While Ida's mere existence leaves the Ribs suffering from severe cognitive dissonance, jeopardizing their chances for another championship, they still have faith that it's just another test from He himself.