I finally had a vacation -- and why Seattle might kick SF's ass
Pickle 
My boss walked up to me and said "If you don't attend the conference in Seattle in a couple of weeks.. you're fired.".
So I decided to attend. Tuesday thru Friday in Bellevue.. Bellvue.. Bell.. something. Doesn't really matter. It was kinda like Oakland.. for rich white people minus all the character. So with my corporate card, I walked around and hung out in a bunch of cool bars (full of rich white people), hung out at the pool hall (full of rich white people)... but actually had a good time. I think that suburb of Seattle is what Marin was hoping for back in the day (as in.. all the development.. none of the transit... and just get rid of all those minorities -- except to clean our houses).
Anyway..
So on Friday night we checked into the Four Seasons (you can all suck my dick.. I make more money than you do.. and get better discounts). We started on 1st Ave.. and never got to 2nd Ave. From Pike's Market to various new restaurants, cool pubs... I GOT HANDED A PICKLE ON A FUCKING STICK.
I REPEAT.
I GOT HANDED A FUCKING PICKLE ON A FUCKING STICK.
How is that wrong?
So we hung out within a couple of blocks of 1st Ave.. went to the aquarium... took awesome shits in cool restrooms. It was like a real town.. only Seattle. People were friendly, the bartenders were old school, and the bums were assholes (but they have a long way to go before they hit SF crackhead levels). Walking into the "I LIKE PIKE" pub downstairs (which I am confident all chain "neighborhood" restaurants model themselves after) instantly made me want to be a tourist. We got comfy at the bar during the Giants game but I just had to get my tourist-on... so I now own every variation of metal Pike Pub bar sign, a skull cap, many coasters, and a gigantic headache.
I GOT HANDED A PICKLE ON A FUCKING STICK. but that was elsewhere...
So the last words I heard from the hot blond chick with pigtails who was watching the Giants game with me and my wife was... "I'm not gonna have a 3-some with you guys right now but..."
How the fuck could Seattle be wrong?
Pickle on Oct 20, 2010 | tagged in Funny Bone (Humor), Organic (Lifestyle), USDA Prime (Non-Fiction) 
Reader Comments (5)
Wow. You got a pickle. This, and lily-white rich suburbs makes Seattle a better city???
Dude.
A PICKLE ON A STICK. COME ON!
Is there anything better?!
I don't actually like pickles, but seeing one on a stick would make me want to try it at least once.
When the world hands you a pickle, something must be right.
the idea of a pickle on a stick brings a tear to my eyes... now if only i could find that elusive deep-fried garlic-stuffed pickled onion...