National Say Anything Day

I've always thought that the world would be a better place if we set aside one day every year when people could say whatever they wanted, and not get in trouble. Until that actually happens, I will say what I want in blog form. I am declaring today, "National Say Anything Day."

Dear Shitty Fucking Job,

a few things to note:

1. I am not IT, nor do I get paid anywhere near what an IT support specialist does, so I will not be performing any IT related duties any more.

2. I have 2 jobs now. I am only getting paid for one. So I will only be doing about half as much work in each position. If something doesn't get done, oh well. I'm sure the world isn't going to end.

3. Most of the clients are awesome, a handful of them can kiss my ass. I will not be dealing with the latter any longer.

4. I am tired of hearing about people’s phone issues. I am going to start telling them the truth: That when they come to me with a problem, and I hand it off to the IT department, the IT guys don't do shit. Oh, and the whole reason your phones drop calls constantly is because we are a cheap ass Chinese company with shitty fucking service.

5. I will not raise anyone else's rent, or charge them more for services. Seriously, that's just fucked up. We have the shittiest phone and internet in the world. No one wants to pay for that crap. Oh, and we can't hang on to clients who are already upset with us if we jack their rent up sky high. Seriously, I don’t know why you think the market is so good right now that we can charge more per square footage than the top of the Trans America building, and people will be begging to move in. No. Just. No.

6. Charging people $200 for carpet cleaning when JLL only charges us $50 is fucked up.

7. Not being able to provide a long distance calling plan to our clients is fucked up. I would be pissed off too if I got a $2700 phone bill when I was under the impression that I had unlimited minutes to anywhere.

8. I am not part of the janitorial or maintenance staff. I will not be scrubbing spots off carpets, re-gluing baseboards, fixing shitty filing cabinets, cleaning conference room windows, or anything else of the sort any more.

9. We downgraded our coffee from Trieste (awesome coffee) to Folgers (it tastes like a cow just shit in my mouth.) That’s just one more reason for me to hate coming to work. On the bright side, you will save much more money than you originally anticipated, because no one drinks that shit. I make a pot in the morning, and it’s still half full at night. I’ve seen a lot more Peet’s and Starbucks cups lately.

10. These smelly hipsters who come in here almost every day are the most annoying people in the whole entire world. I am going to start telling them the “institute” is closed when I don’t feel like dealing with their stupid, smelly, hipster bullshit. Seriously people, if you want to walk around San Francisco, walk around San Francisco! You don’t need to do some stupid fucking treasure hunt to do it!

11. And lastly, to all of the people who don’t do shit but still get paid, while I bust my ass at this thankless job, and to all of the asshole clients who I wish I could punch in the fucking face, I am going to start taping pictures of your faces to the punching bag in boxing class. Something tells me I’ll get a better work out doing that.

As soon as I find another job, I’ll be out like a fat kid in dodge ball. I hope you all have fun trying to find someone as awesome as I am to replace me. Bitches.