The Butchers
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Wednesday
Jan182012

An Asshole's Guide to Beginning iOS Development

So you’ve decided that yes, indeed, you do want to jump into the hype surrounding mobile app development, because damn it, you want to make sure you get a piece of this new gold rush that’s going on. You like money after all. You read tech blogs a lot and you’ve learned that the right thing to do is to “disrupt” things. You have a couple of ideas for apps that, damn it, should revolutionize the platform and disrupt shit and make you an assload of ca$h.

So my best piece of advice for those who want to write an iOS app: fucking don’t.

Seriously. Keep your job in marketing or keep writing websites for a living.

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Friday
Jan132012

Cuba, New Mexico Part III

Read parts I and II here and here.

“I’m just glad that I came by when I did.”   Imelda, the clerk’s sister, came in with a club sandwich and some lentil soup from the place up the road.  She still had her hair cutting kit in her hand when she found Albert in a pool of chunky vomit.  She stripped him down to his new underwear, helped him back into the bathroom and into the tub for the second time that day and ran warm water over him. “My husband run off.  He was a drunk.”  Giving him the stink eye.  “I ain’t a drunk.”  Albert mumbled as the water ran.  His side was throbbing.  His internal organs were over used and he didn’t know why.  She just looked at him with a look that said ‘Yeah right fucker.’  “You want to change your clothes?”  “Yeah.”  “You want me to come back?”  “No, please stay..I’m…trying to feel a little more human.  Thanks for all of your help.”  “Needed to wash your hair again anyway.”  She said.

Al finished washing off the his own vomit, but when it came time to exit the tub his foot still wasn’t working and he nearly went down again.  “What the fuck??!!” he screamed before changing out of the underwear he had neglected to take off before entering the tub.  He changed into fresh clothes; on the bathroom counter were K-Mart track pants and a wife beater.  Imelda directed him to sit backwards on the toilet.  He was so exhausted and ill that he put his head in his hands on the cold porcelain and moaned while she cut his shit-locks down.  ’8 years!’ he thought.  After forty minutes of work and another hair wash, using the shower this time, he looked in the mirror and thought that he could pass for a member of the Eagles.  ‘And only 34.’  Where had his good looks gone? ‘My teeth!  Godammit!  Am I on Meth?’’  He had been awake for a while and didn’t feel the urge to smoke anything.  A cigarette maybe, or a small bowl of weed to settle his stomach. 

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Wednesday
Jan112012

Conveying the Chemical Process of Combustion which You See is Just a Metaphor which is Like Something Used as a Stand-In for a More Nebulous Something Else

Cormac is easily one of my favorite writers. The Road was one of those beautifully soul-destroying novels that coveys so much fear, grotesquerie, love, hope, and darkness that it was kind of hard to read at times.

There’s a point early on in the book that kicked me in the groin, good. After traveling with the Man and his son for a while through the ashen landscape, we get to this quick exchange:

He woke in the night and lay listening. He couldnt remember where he was. The thought made him smile. Where are we? he said.

What is it, Papa?

Nothing. We’re okay. Go to sleep.

We’re going to be okay, arent we Papa?

Yes. We are.

And nothing bad is going to happen to us.

That’s right.

Because we’re carrying the fire.

Yes. Because we’re carrying the fire.

I had to put the book down for a moment after reading that; it was a moment so precious and beautiful that it knocked me on my ass. The “carrying the fire” theme took so much weight — it came out of nowhere to hurt your heart, and it became something to hang onto through the gathering darkness. The Man’s inevitable end and the son’s uncertain future kickstarts off with him carrying the fire to another family. It helps you in your fall. The fall becomes your journey because of it’s grace.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh God. Yes.

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Friday
Jan062012

I Want To See Iggy Bleed

Tonight we see Iggy Pop.

Now this is how I want to spend my birthday.  The anticipation has been building for years.  I have listened to Henry Rollins for over ten years go on about his goal to out-perform Iggy on stage (only Rollins thinks it’s a competition by the way).  The show we are going to tonight is a rebooked one.  The original show was postponed in July due to Iggy breaking his foot at the first show on the tour.  Fucking awesome. 

The Warfield is at 6th and Market streets.  This is my least favorite corner in San Francisco.  The crackheads, meth addics, and newly released from jail schizo-crack/meth-addict-hooker-zombies all vomit downhill from the Tenderloin using Taylor and Mason streets like a winter Olympic slalom.  The slalom flags are swapped out for shiny objects, drugs, and tourists (victims) to harass for money.    There are people passed out in the streets and alleys during daylight hours in summer.  I haven’t seen that since I was last in Detroit.  Luckily for us the show is now on the cusp of winter and only the die hard zombies who can battle the elements are roving about.  Fun.

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Wednesday
Jan042012

Thoughts from the Barstool: The Hydra Monster from Within

For the most part, I live in the here and now; leaving the past in the past, and the future as something that has yet to materialize. Though at times, all it takes for me to get nostalgic is something as simple (yet monumental) as the opening guitar riff to Nirvana’s “Smells like Teen Spirit”, or the Garfield mug (with its paint faded in peeling) from McDonalds. In this instance, my mind drifted back to what I was doing the other day, which was nothing spectacular (I sat at a bench on the Paseo de San Antonio, across from Philz Coffee, reading Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story for the fifth or twentieth time.)

There was an instance that stood out: this woman walked by, dressed in a flannel-type shirt and skin-tight acid washed jeans. She had the trappings of a suburban, garden-variety, Olympia-drinking hipster. I couldn’t stop thinking about her jeans, or how everything that is old, is new again. Certain articles of clothing should remain dead and buried, but circulation-killing acid washed jeans seen to be one head of a multi-headed, never-dying hydra monster. Another head of said monster reared as she talked on her phone, “… I don’t like that place, there are too many beaners there.” Her racist remark was as casual as her checkerboard Vans. What made her vile comment even viler was that she seemed to be Latina as well (or at the very least, was of some ethnic background.)

Racism is like this old byproduct of humanity’s early days. And in-house racism seems extra-special to me. It is done with underpinning of class, a colonial mindset. A few Latin Americans have perfected this mindset and have added a few pages to the playbook that has survived since the days of the Conquistadores. A cursory glance of either Univisión or Telemundo is recommended to see how class and race are shaped by pop culture. (Side note: Among me and my friends, we always joked how Argentina, the whitest Latin-American country, with their history of Fascist-leanings and their noses forever in the air, were able to do what all the Conquistadores couldn’t.) Soap operas (novellas), especially in México, are their bread and butter. No matter if it is set in a city or in a ranch in some rural outpost, the template never changes: the main and secondary characters are either whiter than blinding light, or are light-skinned mulattos who can pass; the servants and thieves were the usual shade of indigenous brown.

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Friday
Dec302011

Nonopiod

I step; I bounce.

 

I’m shot out like a Bulleit.

 

Another one and I will live again.

 

Rising from death like the phoenix:  From the slave to the free.

 

My night wakes up faster than a sunrise and they walk in to brighten the day.

 

My turn.  The table is set for me to make my run, so I smile like a devil and pull the trigger on cue…

Friday
Dec232011

Are We Not Men?

I never thought I’d get to see this band.  When I first heard them I thought it was a sketch on SNL or SCTV.  Is this real?  More than I could of imagined; not just the band existing as real people making real music, but their point was succinct: Devolution is happening.  It’s hard to disagree after the last decade.  Over twenty years later, I’m finishing a long festival day at Coachella and willing myself to walk and stand and walk for an hour of Devo; Who knew when or if I would get another chance to see fucking Devo live, so with my wife and DMZ in tow, we head to the Mojave stage, stopping at the back, no energy left to fight closer.  

“What’s with the fence?” asked DMZ, referring to the twenty five by fifteen foot black, see though, chainlink-like screen hovering behind the stage.  The surrounding Palm Trees could be seen through the screen, an atmosphere creating feature of Coachella stages I’ve not seen elsewhere.  

“Hopefully we’ll find out soon, my feet are not happy.” I whine weakly.    

“Suck it up fat boy,” quips the wife in good humor.  She’s excited, having listen to some pre-festival Devo and found they made her happy like few other bands.

With that the black ‘fence’ came to life, sprawled with brilliant colors and fast paced clips of the bands early years interspersed with animated Energy Domes.  Devo took the stage, dark silhouettes in front of the now opaque screen, and launched into a song off their new, at the time unreleased, album Something For Everyone.   It’s quickly clear Devo has been upgraded.  No longer handcuffed by the limited audio technology in the 80’s (which they used to brilliant effect) they sounded better than ever. The new song was catchy, the late-night crowd was moving, we were all slowly compressing as the song and screen drew us in closer and closer.   

“Don’t Shoot” they shout in precise unison, “I’m a M-A-A-A-A-A-A-N” belts Mark Mothersbaugh.  It was Devo in the modern world.  The screen, beautifully sleek and simple, turned the show into an instant party.   

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Sunday
Dec182011

I Got Soul, But I'm Not A Soldier (5 Minutes Alone)

Thanksgiving is hell for a butcher.  Everyone needs their fucking turkey, NOW.  I pulled a ten hour shift on my day off.  When I was finally off, I walked down Haight street for the hell of it.  It’s usually calm, with the same old shitbag bums that don’t want to work asking for some change for a beer, and I always just walk down with my headphones on, ignoring them.

Tonight wasn’t really any different, so I walked into the lower height until I got to Molotov’s.  I decided to have a beer to unwind, and right after I ordered, the bartender put Slayer on the jukebox.  That was exactly what I needed, and I was content.  I bullshitted with a hardcore punk chick for a few minutes while I had my beer, then headed home.

I cut over on Fillmore, to try and catch one of the last trains towards my house, over by Duboce Park and the Midtown Safeway.  I’ve walked through here before, and it’s a boring part of town.

I started down the street with my hood up, headphones, listening to South Of Heaven, but without the volume all the way up.  I inherited my father’s paranoia, and sometimes it shows.  I saw a typical San Francisco street denizen up ahead of me, flailing his arms and ranting about some bullshit at a wall.  While that it isn’t typical of the neighborhood, it is fairly common in this town, so I kept my eyes sharp, and maintained my pace.

(I see you had your mind all made up you group of
pitiful liars. before i woke to face the day, your master
plan transpired
.)

As I got to the point where I needed to pass him, he saw me coming and asked for a cigarette.  I continued to walk as if I hadn’t heard him; looking at the next intersection.  He blocked my path, forcing me to stutter-step to try to get past.  He repeated his question and I told him to fuck off.  It was at this point that I saw another bum standing up in the shadow of the doorway he had been ranting at.

(Something told me…)

They were both twenty-something drop outs.  It was clear that they weren’t yet broken by the street life, but still had been there for a while.  I managed to get around the guy, and stepped up my pace a little.  They both had that slightly emaciated look that all these bums get after enough time of living on drugs and crumbs.  I have a job, a house; I eat well, and still play sports.   Those differences between us was about to become very helpful.

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Friday
Dec162011

God Is Dead (1949-2011)

It is a sad day, one of the most influential writers and cultural critics has died.  Christopher Hitchens has been and will continue to be a great influence on all The Butchers.  We will miss him immeasurably as we search for his brilliant and unique perspective on our absurd world.  Rest in peace Great Sir.

Classic Hitchens after the jump.

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Tuesday
Dec132011

In Search of Destiny (Ending Up Where I Always Do)

The weather is cold,
bitter,
more bitter than my coffee,
more bitter than your
average, jealous fellow.
My hair is jostled,
my wavy,
in-between-haircut hair
moves like a spastic drug addict.
The waves become loose curls.
I pass by this store front
that has been vacant for a while now,
a clump of dirt (maybe it’s a nest,
maybe it’s just a clump of dirt)
dangles and dances
with each thrust of wind.
Couples walk by—
hands firmly held,
stares, distant and cold.
What’s left of an alt weekly
tumbles on by,
momentarily snagged on my foot.
With a gentle kick,
it becomes free,
continuing on with its random destination.
My destination is also random,
or maybe, I am looking for somewhere to go,
or looking for someone
(my destiny, or a random fuck.)
But what I find is time running out,
and where I find myself is the same place
I know where I can be me…
with some coffee,
three cigarettes,
a half-read book
and an iPod in need of charging.

 
©2011 José-Ariel Cuevas